Jackie (grilldcheese47) wrote,

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all my friends are so heavy. everyone has deep issues. this is both comforting and frightening, because for awhile i thought i was the only one. but if others are struggling, the last thing i want to do is dump my problems and concerns all over them. i tried talking to alana about my craziness and she wasnt there for me. that's never happened before. i wasnt mad at her, just terribly shocked. so i got in the bed and didn't sleep for 3 more hours.

i think there's something wrong with my sleeping patterns. or lack thereof.

three months is a long time to be away from someone. especially if that someone is more like10-15 odd people who have become some sort of twisted, faulty pillar of strength you lean on. some of them...well they are a part of that pillar by default. some spent the last five months with the evil side of me while doing a show (i swear CDUB, im not that person. i am kind and caring, not a bitch), and the last three or four people i truly truly miss. some of the people in those groups overlap. but i miss their faces, their voices, their comments on daily life, and i miss being able to show them how much they mean to me. i think it sucks that i care so much. i mean yes, i know, sensitivity is good. no one likes a callous bitch. but if this is what its gonna be like forever...well i just wont.

it also sucks when you leave things open-ended with people. i hate that. i did that. i wanna fix that. ug.

ive begun looking for an alternate summer residence. any takers? im quiet. all i need is a place to shower, minimal food and a place to hook up my laptop. call me.
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